心灵的枷锁

氛围还是那么紧绷复杂，那始终是解不开的锁，抛入谷底，坠入海沟里，深深地藏在一个人的心里。寻寻觅觅，长着厚茧的脚板，时常拖着喘息的状态游走，一点都不像正值元气充盈的阶段。眼见仍能游走至今，打从心底的钦佩还是由衷而发，没能力帮到他人并不会怪罪于己，反而对其执著的内心感到异常的好奇。或许说回来，还真的不晓得什么是对错，或者根本不能以二元对立的说法解释清楚。

一点头绪都没有，更别说什么曙光。双手抓着，划着，试图把长夜划破，希望能从破裂之处见到一丝向往已久的生气，白费，还是白费，脸色虽然都是怡然的模样，可都是不安的伪装。他手中时常托着一根白烛，却见不着它的白，是燃不着的；他明确知道盒子里的火柴都被泡过水，还仅仅抓住手中那三根仅存的燃种……

总是以微笑来伪装，他且对这样的游戏已渐渐感到恶心还有烦躁。种种的诉求在耳边徘徊之际，难道他也不以伪装的容颜打发之以得到同等的待遇？是可笑的还是悲剧的情节，可正活现在旁人的眼里。不屑和无动于衷或许对其他人来说是一种宽容的回应。

那把钥匙是不会失而复得呢，锁头自然有解开的一天，静静把他藏在心底吧，寂寞和他陪伴的日子，谁晓得他的孤独，正当寂寞慢慢的到来，天上也亮起了几颗闪亮的光芒。

Beauty is bad

Beauty is a dangerous gift. It is even so. Like wealth it has ruined its thousands. Thousands of the most beautiful women are destitute of comman sense and comman humanity. No gift from heaven is so general and so widely abused by women as the gift of beauty. In about nine cases in ten it makes her silly, senseless, thoughtless, giddy, vain, proud, frivolous, selfish, low, and mean. “She is beautiful, and she knows it.” Is as much as to say she is spoiled. A beautiful girl is very likely to believe she was made to be looked at; and so she sets herself up for a show at every window, in every door, on every corner of the street, in every company at which opportunity offers for an exhibition of herself. And believing and acting thus, she soon becomes good for nothing else, and when she comes to be a middle-aged woman she is the weakest, most sickening of all human things—a faded beauty.


These facts have long since taught sensible men to beware of beautiful women—to sound then carefully before they give them their confidence. Beauty is shallow—only skin-deep; fleeting—only for a few years’ reign; dangerous—tempting to vanity and lightness of mind; deceitful—dazzling often to bewilder; weak—reigningonly to ruin; gross—leading often to sensual pleasure. And yet we say it needs not to be so. Beauty is lovely and ought to be innocently possessed. It is a delightlful gift, which ought to be received with gratitude and worn with grace and meekness. It should always minister to inward beauty. Every woman of beautiful from and features should cultivate a beautiful mind and heart.

唉

为什么同样一件事情，
为什么同一件事情，
为什么一件事情
竟然会有这样大的落差。

我不敢相信别人的言语或许是件好事
或者只有自己的眼睛能把事情说得更清楚

这几个星期的莽撞还有认真
我没有慧眼 但是
每个人都有他们不同的一面
好坏善恶经过庄周的眼睛，还不是一样
在同一个舞台
平起平坐

Angst

thank God,my Japanese presentation has over. Thanks for the group members who put great in the report and presentation. You are all great but please, i should have said earlier that the presentation is not a private show or personal show, My Dear Baaka, should you know every member only have 3 minutes for their respective portion/part, please pay your full attention in time management as you may ruin the whole teamwork. You never learn from previous mistake, and keep talking your part and even try to entertain the floor every single moment, a kind of stupid. SHIT.

:|

拖着一颗疲惫的心，我在都市的中心像一个没有灵魂的躯体漂移着。走到menara citibank底层，感觉湿气很重，有着下雨的感觉，但还是艳阳高照，呼了一口气，没想那么多就直奔上30楼的Japan Foundation还书。遇上一个在哪里工作而没有礼貌的马来婆，日本人是个很注重礼仪的民族，这情况，使自己倒霉还是该协会倒霉？我没想那么多，只要把我的事情办好，就好。

泡了几个小时，中岛美嘉还有维也纳交响乐团的演奏飘着，随后想到从商务印书馆的定书已经到来，就到哪里逛逛。我下了捷运，路过万字票中心，看到的，是一些上班族在哪里走进走出，脸上挂着的表情仿佛表示着什么的。我看着时间也不早，和朋友约好7时左右在taman paramount的捷运站接我，就飞一般的脚步直奔书局。

心想还有两本的汉学研究辑录要订购，就顺道在商务下了订单。取了之前订的书，见到伟淞也在那里，打起招呼，心想这个大忙人，怎么会有这样的闲情来到这里。似乎是我，忽略了这星期已经是中小学的假期。

离开商务印书馆，朋友的简讯叫我迟些到捷运站也没关系，这时路过万字票中心，我见到哪里进进出出的民众，都是带着希望离开。

ええ ちょっと つかれました

昨天真是个疲累的一天，早上收了卷子，分数只得一半有余，还好，比起以前进步多了。高兴之余，心里还是有憋住的话想说出来。愤慨，上课只是为了上课，等待时间过，怎么消费主义的观念这么强.

语文课若不是要一起讨论研究，还有上语文课的的原因存在吗？另外，一味的迎合老师说的话到底有没有问题，自己没有属于自身原汁原味的想法还是观点吗？我越来越怀疑在这里接近三年的思想激荡与人文素养的熏陶。

大选的到来，愚蠢的我迟了登记成为选民（荒谬，成为选民还要登记，又不见自动成为选民的制度存在，难道生于此地却非为此地的选民？无稽之谈）看来是时候马来西亚的政治气候转变的季节。自己为了国家做了什么？（我曾经如此想过吗？自身的力量何在？）政府又为他的人民做了什么？大选背后的黑暗又给选民怎样的启示？选委会主席的府上被泼了亮眼的红漆又说明了什么。一直为本国官员挂在口边的“廉洁政治，透明行政”，选民看到的又有多少？Ampang的暴动是自然的生成？


书于PJ　JayaOne Old Town 咖啡吧